Divorce and How to Manage the Challenges of Valentine’s Day

Divorce is never an easy process, and it can become particularly difficult when it intersects with emotionally charged days like Valentine's Day or other holidays. For many, Valentine's Day is a symbol of love and affection. However, for individuals going through or recovering from a divorce, it can bring up feelings of sadness, bitterness, loneliness, or resentment. Holidays such as Valentine’s Day can be especially challenging for individuals who have been hurt in past relationships.

If you're navigating life after a divorce, or are currently going through a divorce, here are some suggestions on how to manage the challenges that can come with Valentine's Day:

1. Acknowledge Your Emotions

First, recognize that your feelings are valid. Whether it's anger, sadness, loneliness, or even relief, allow yourself to process these emotions instead of suppressing them. Ignoring your feelings can prolong your emotional healing and make holidays like Valentine’s Day even harder.

2. Plan Ahead

If you feel Valentine's Day may be a trigger for difficult emotions, plan ahead to make the day more manageable. Take the time to get creative and make the holiday into an opportunity — whether it is planning a trip or event with friends, spending it with family, or enjoying a relaxing day at home. Having a plan, however, will provide you some security and prevent the day from becoming an overwhelming event.   

3. Surround Yourself With Supportive People

Valentine's Day doesn’t have to be a day of grand gestures or romantic displays. Being around supportive friends and family can make a huge difference and provide you with the emotional support that everyone needs. A good support system can be a good  reminder that you are not alone. It can also be very healing to focus on non-romantic relationships, whether it is spending quality time with a mother, grandmother, siblings, hosting Galentine’s Day, or planning an event with friends.

4. Focus on Personal Growth

Valentine’s Day can be a reminder of past relationships, but it can also serve as an opportunity to focus on your own growth. Use the day to reflect on what you’ve learned from your marriage, what you’ve discovered about yourself, and your goals for your future. Building new routines, forming new hobbies, or setting new goals can help you see the day as an opportunity to build a stronger future.

5. Treat Yourself

It is a common misconception that Valentine’s Day is solely a day to celebrate romantic love. Valentine’s Day can be a great time for self-love and care. Take the day to treat yourself to something that makes you happy: a special meal, a movie marathon, a bubble bath, a spa day, or even something that you have held off on purchasing. Valentine’s Day can be a time of personal growth and the chance to show yourself some self-appreciation.

6. Communicate With Your Ex

If children are involved, co-parenting can become a tricky situation around Valentine’s Day. If child exchanges fall on this day, make sure to communicate clearly and with an amicable tone with your ex to avoid misunderstandings. This is also a good time to establish boundaries for what is appropriate in terms of interactions with your ex, especially if emotions are running high.

7. Consider the Impact on Children

For parents, Valentine's Day might stir emotions not only in you, but also in your children. If you're recently divorced or going through a divorce, children may still be adjusting to the changes in family structure. Talk to them honestly about the day, and if needed, offer them ways to express their feelings in healthy ways.

8. Stay Off Social Media (If Necessary)

Social media can sometimes amplify feelings of loneliness, especially when you see pictures of other people’s seemingly perfect relationships. If scrolling through romantic posts brings you negative feelings, it might be a good idea to step away from social media for the day.

9. Be Mindful of Your Social Media Posts

If you are currently going through a divorce, try to be conscious of how your social media posts could affect the feelings of your soon-to-be-ex. Whether you are in a new relationship, or you are feeling hurt on Valentine’s Day, be mindful of what you post on social media. An angry message online or a picture of an extravagant gift to a new significant other could exacerbate high emotions in a case, causing unnecessary litigation and fees. Reminder - anything you put on the internet may be used against you!

10. Consider Therapy or Counseling

Divorce can have lasting emotional effects, and it’s important to take care of your mental health. If Valentine's Day (or any significant day) triggers deep feelings, seeking help from a therapist or counselor can provide a safe space to explore your emotions and heal in healthy ways. Therapy can help you reframe your relationship with Valentine's Day and emotional triggers, setting you up for a brighter future.

Begin Your Path of Healing

Divorce is challenging, and Valentine's Day can be particularly difficult when you're adjusting to life after a breakup. By acknowledging your emotions, setting realistic expectations, and surrounding yourself with supportive people, you can navigate the holiday in a way that promotes healing and growth. Remember, Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be a reminder of what was lost—it can be an opportunity to focus on self-care, goals, and the future that lies ahead.